You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
