i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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