If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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