If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish i was in the wii world.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
