Who wears a wallet chain?!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize