I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
