They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
