You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
