What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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