you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
