What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize