You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
