yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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