she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
