you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
