Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
