Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
