dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
