I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
