last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
