Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
