they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize