my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
