the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize