How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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