U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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