I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
