Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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