Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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