I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
