Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
