we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
