I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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