I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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