God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
