You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
