Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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