the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
