I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
