dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
