Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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