They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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