i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dick very happy bro
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
