I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
