I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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