This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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