you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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