I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
