anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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