it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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