if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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