I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
