you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
