Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
