what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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