Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
