In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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