When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
