How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
