In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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