In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
