she looked like the before picture.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
