I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
