did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
