Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
