Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My life is pants optional.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
