worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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