Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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