We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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