Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
