i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
