everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
