i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
