i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
